Drops of Awesome: Mommy inspiration for the day

It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.

When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.

As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?

I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.

Nearly.

Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.

My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.

Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.

This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.

You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.

Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.

That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.

How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?

As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.

Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.

I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!

I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!

I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!

I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!

All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!

When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.

By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.

As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.

Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”

These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.

And that’s okay.

You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.

You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”

In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”

Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.

As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.

With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?

At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.

When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?

I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and lightincreases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.

I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.

I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:

“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)

Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.

Baby Tanner: The Arrival

We just moved into our new house and the doctor told me that I wouldn't make it through the weekend being pregnant.  I was pretty excited. It has really been a long road this time around.  I rushed and ran to get food bought, laundry done, and new beds for people since Case was still on the crib mattress and people were coming to stay. And then...nothing.  The weekend came and went, the next week did the same and no baby. Actually I had less contractions since meeting with the doctor than I had everyday in the preceeding months.  I was beyond frustrated! If you have been in your last month of this baby hatching business, then you understand where I am coming from. Eventually I finally posted my frustration on facebook that the baby was never going to come and my contractions started one hour later.  My contractions started at 6:30 and were 10 minutes apart and by the time we left 30 minutes later, drove 25 mile and arrived at the hospital, they were less than 2 minutes apart. Wow. I have had two other kids but I was never in as much pain as with this one. I was practically convinced that this baby was going to be born in the car on the way.  To make matters a little more complicated, we had just moved into our new house and we didn't know anybody.  So we hauled the kids to the car and we figured they could hang out with us in the room for a while until grandma and grandpa Eborn got there. Well silly me, I forgot that it was RSV season and absolutely no children were allowed in the maternity ward.  Crap.  Crap. Crap. or something like that.  We were out of options so we called some friends from our old town and they drove the 60 miles to the hospital. In the meantime, I am in the delivery room all by myself because Devin has to stay in the waiting room with the kids. I was fully convinced that I was going to have this baby all by myself without an epidural because it wasn't going to be ready in time.  I was a little panicked. I honestly have never experienced anything like this.  It had already been such a whirlwind experince the last few months and I was nervous.  But, everything worked out. Our friends came and got the kids, Devin was able to come back (after the pain had subsided and the epidural was in...convieniently-hehe), Grandma and Grandpa had arrived, and we had waited as long as we could. They had waited to break my water until Devin could come back, which was good because our sweet baby arrived only 15 minutes after.  So start to finish, my entire experience of labor ,driving, delivering was only 4 hours. FAST!

Whirlwind

Yes, I am still alive. I fell off of the face of the earth for a while but I have returned! A lot has happened in the last few months and I have been a little overwhelmed with all the changes. In November Devin got transferred to a new work location. It was 100 miles from where we were living. If that wasn't bad enough, we only had one day notice and he had to be to work at 5:30 am.  Ya. I'm serious.  It was a rough time because I was pregnant and basically having contractions everyday all day. I didn't do anything but lay on the couch and pop chicken nuggets into the microwave for the kiddos.  It was pretty stressful to be uncertain about when this baby was going to come and have a hubby that was 100 miles from me and then another 60 miles to the hospital.  We contemplated renting, moving, staying, buying and could find anything that felt right.  That was until Thanksgiving when we came across a house sort of out in the country. It was just outside of Roosevelt Utah, which was where Devin was working. We jumped on it. It was perfect for us and after being crammed into a little apartment for 3 years, it was a much need change. We looked at the house and basically the next day we were filling out paperwork.  Buying a house was a fast process for us, which was good because the baby was going to come anytime, especially with the amount of contractions I was having. So we did it. Signed our life away. Eeek!

We are nice and comfy in our new home. Now to plant grass-and let me tell ya, there is A LOT to plant but we are really excited.  I feel so old thinking about curb appeal and sprinkler systems.  Weird.

Aurora and the Tiger

These kids are getting a little stir crazy with a preggo momma, so they spend a lot of time doing this with daddy. Yes Casen is wearing a helmet. He had a few accidents but they weren't enough to keep him from going on a "ride".  I am sure that this blanket is going to have a hole from these kids being spun around on the floor, but hey, that's what being a kid is all about. 
Halloween came and went and was a blast.  We got to use our costumes a fair amount.  Between the activities that the town does and the church we made a haul on our candy. The joys of a small town I guess.  I was especially pleased because I worked really hard getting Reagan's sleeping beauty costume made.  I am actually pretty pleased with how it all came out. 

Reagan was princess Aurora and Casen was a tiger. He has a leopard costume that fit him much better but he refused to let it get close to him. Kids are so funny.   Super short post but its a post :) hopefully I can get some more pictures on here, but this computer is driving me crazy and the i pad is too smart for me... I already feel like technology is passing me by. 

Crazy lady...crazy thoughts

I am full of crazy these days. Sometimes it helps to get some of the crazy and random thoughts out...which is what this post is all about....

I have decided to organize my home and document it. Those of you who know my blogging habits are probably laughing that I would actually do commit to this,but it's true. I am going to pick one area at a time and organize it. I also want to do this on a budget cause lets face it, I'm super cheap.

I am starting to get a little freaked out because I just realized I will have 3 kids 3 years and under. Yes, this did JUST occur to me.

I have had the itch to go somewhere for about a month now. I think it has something to do with the fact that when this baby comes, I won't be able to be away from him. That is a good thing but every once in a while I would like to, I don't know, have a date night. I know crazy idea but it's true.

 I like macaroni and cheese after it has been sitting awhile (we have been eating it a lot lately).

I should really start writing down the weird things I say to my kids. This morning I told Reagan that we don't put cheese on our feet.  Multiple times a day I tell Case that we don't eat things that are already in the garbage can. I told Devin that I accidentally stepped on Casen last night when he fell out of his bed. I am blind without  my glasses. Sorry Case.

I have been planning Reagan's Halloween costume since July. I ask her daily what she wants to be and the details of her dress because I am terrified that she will change her mind and refuse to wear the costume that I want to make her.

I hate maternity clothes. Hate hate hate. The pants are weird and come up to your armpits and I feel even more giant than I really am... Looks like its sweats for me :)

I miss running. It's a love-hate relationship but it is a relationship that I have missed and long for. Sometimes I struggle with the fact that I need to take it easy or that my body doesn't work the same when I am pregnant. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize the baby and his health. It's a struggle. Running shoes: we will have our relationship back in about 6 months ish.

I bought soda pop in cans for the first time since I have been married and it was a mistake. I LOVE root beer. It is my addiction that I never knew I had. Most of my life i have stayed away from pop because I hate the carbonation feeling in my throat and I feel like I can't breath, but I didn't know what I was missing.

Halloween is my favorite time of the year. I love the season change and I love the fun atmosphere. I use to love scary movies but now I cant watch one without having some messed up dreams...it's not worth it.  Devin has already been informed of the bucket list I have planned for this next month. He's a good sport.

The other day in about a one hour period the following occurred:
      I was cooking dinner and it was Mongolian beef with brown rice and broccoli in the wok. That pretty much means for me that it needs constant attention because the steps move fast in the high heat so Casen decides to go on destruct mode.  First he rips a picture off the wall and it comes all apart with the glass in perfect playing reach then he tried to put a full pop can in the sink and didn't make it. The can fell back and nailed him in the eye...bleeding followed. Next he attacked the trash can tearing everything out until he reached the sick-and-nasty foam/blood catcher from the beef.  He then proceeded to play with the nasty thing until I realized what was going on.  I quickly washed him up and put him in the living room with cartoons on, hoping that would solve the problem. I gathered the trash up and ran in outside to the garbage can. I was gone maybe 10 seconds. In that time Casen got another pop can and it exploded. It just so happened to be a bight red pomegranate 7-up.  When I found him he was head down, bum up in the air and slurping.  At this point I was laughing because my ENTIRE kitchen was covered in red pop and I was pretty sure I might cry if I didn't.  Don't forget I have food cooking still that I am desperately trying not to destroy at this point. After I take pictures and lay towels down to cover the mess Reagan walks into the kitchen, "Mom, the floor is sticky!". Ya I know.  The night didn't end there... it just goes to kids and their bodily functions in inopportune times i.e. during dinner and in the middle of the night, so you can use your imagination.  Bless those sweet little kids of mine!


There is still lots more crazy bouncing around between these ears..... But I will spare you for now.

From Birthdays to Black Eyes

This summer has flown by....well kinda.  As you know now we are expecting our 3rd bundle of joy in January. Saying I'm really excited is an understatement.  I love the new little baby smell and the adorable tiny clothes and their scrunched up little faces! It just melts my heart.  The part that doesn't please me as much is the pucking, so tired that I can't do ANYTHING, grouchy feeling because I am a complete bum and just sit in nauseous pain.  It's true. I can't even go grocery shopping without being completely exhausted (if I can make it through the store without bursting into tears...thats a win!).  Don't get me wrong, I am super grateful that I am able to have babies and get pregnant, but the being pregnant is a challenge for me.  This story does have a purpose... it's my excuse for not updating my blog on all of the fun this summer. It has been jam-packed...seroiusly, like every single week we were gone doing one thing or another. I love me some summer time! So here it is in picture form (well at least some of it).

Happy Birthday Casen! One already!

Birthdays and Black Eyes!

Tractor rides with Daddy

We are quickly out growing the room for all these kids!

Sleepover and Gma Philpotts

I am trying to be a less crappy seamstress. This is

my latest project.  Circle Skirt for Reag.

Come to find out that we have zippo- nada for July decor....until now

I love Case and his perma-smile!

Reagan "helping" Casen ride the 4 wheeler at the park

Family pictures at last..... which ones should I put on the wall?

These kids are so gosh dang cute!!!!

Five Year Hoopla

Happy anniversary. Five years ago (and a few months, but get off my back we finally have time so celebrate) Devin and I got hitched. You hear people say that the first few years are the hardest in a marriage. We have had an amazingly wonderful 5 years and if this was suppose to be a hard time in our lives, I am thrilled. I married someone who is my best friend and my greatest match. I think about what makes our marriage wonderful and I credit Devin. He is someone who is everything that I never knew I needed. Well enough of the sappy stuff... Devin and I took an amazing trip for our anniversary. We went on a beautiful cruise to Jamaica and Grand Cayman Island.  It was a unreal. One of my favorite parts (that i amazingly didn't take any pictures of) was the exquisite food that were ate a lot of. And really, I mean a lot!  Buffets, deli's, 24 hr pizza, room service, dining rooms, unlimited ice cream-- need I go on. Devin even tried some frog legs- they looked like frog legs- that freaked me out a little. I also enjoyed the  chocolate buffet-A-MA-ZING!!! Between the chocolate melting cake and fresh baguettes served daily, I gained a happy 5 pounds, but believe me, it was definitely worth it! Happy 5 amazing years Dev!

Getting ready to horseback ride on the beach and in the ocean on the beautiful island of Jamaica.

Me on good ole' Champion

 For some odd reason Devin has a ridiculously small horse named Pretty Boy

 Unbelievable experience! Swimming with the stingrays was so much fun. We got to feed them and kiss them! Some kiss back!

 Devin's uhhh "kiss" back. He was feeding one stingray and another sucked his arm.  Doesn't take long to leave their mark!

 Riding back to town on the catamaran

 A fraction of the chocolate buffet

 Sunset on the top deck. So romantic and relaxing.

 Off to the dining room for more food!

 Lovin us some stingrays.  Muahh

 Stingray giving us some love